Saturday, 20 November 2010

Blah

Rules Of Blah:

Platinum Card 15 - 30 years service

Officers in the above category are permitted:

1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty
2. The right to tell outrageous tall stories and swing the blue lamp without challenge - even if it's obvious they are lies or physically impossible.
3. However, all the above are obliged to mention the miner's strike, the Brixton/Tottenham Riots or any major act of terrorism or civil unrest and imply they played a pivotal role for which they are entitled to humble acclaim

Gold Card 10 - 15 years service

1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty
2. All Blah must be factually based, but subject to generous poetic license
3. May be challenged by Platinum cardholders only
4. Any non divisional Blah to be supported by a witnessing officer.

Silver Card 4 - 10 years service

1. Unlimited Blah when supervised by Platinum or Gold cardholders
2. Unsupervised Blah when in company of junior officers - subject to a strict enforcement of no more than an audience of four (4) other officers - none of whom are allowed to hold probationer status
3. May only Blah about any incident attended in company of a senior card holder after that officer has first declined the opportunity to do so or considers the Blah factor to be beneath his exclusive position.

Bronze Card 2 - 4 years service

1. All Blah to be limited to no more than 30 minutes per tour of duty
2. Must consult a Platinum Cardholder about Blah content before addressing the public arena
3. All Blah to be factual and witnessing officer to be present during presentation.
4. Any Blah from a previously worked division to be supported by MG11 from witnessing officer/s
5. Must accept all belittling and ridicule of their Blah efforts in good spirit
6. Under no circumstances to Blah to probationary constables unless supervised by a Platinum Cardholder

Probationary Bronze Card 0 - 2 years service

1. NO BLAH WHATSOEVER

15 comments:

Puppet said...

01101000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100010 01101100 01101111 01101111 01100100 01111001 00100000 01110100 01110010 01110101 01100101

RedStorm said...

Excellent, may have to steal this!

To the above poster: i suspect very few of us humble plods speak/understand binary. What the hell are you on about?

Fee said...

that was binary? I thought someone had had a 'twitchy fingers' episode at the keyboard by mistake ....

That might explain my poor marks in Maths exams, though.

For the original post, we have a similar, if unnamed system at my work, equating to those who remember last recession, etc. Probably with the same timescales. I'm currently Gold, moving to Platinum next spring. Yeehah.

Anonymous said...

Puppet says "how bloody true", he probably got the idea from the footer of this website which gives the blog's title.

The 011 tells us that it is a lowercase character and the rest tells us what letter of the alphabet.

Binary is becoming popular now as people tend not to like people who use 1337 5|*34|<

Anonymous said...

01000010 01101100 01100101 01110011 01110011 01010000 01110101 01110000 01110000 01100101 01110100

Charlie Juliet said...

Anom at 18:34, not to be picky but you are missing a space. 00100000.

Blue Eyes said...

Rules of Blah:

Platinum Card 2-3"

Officers in the above category are permitted:

1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty
2. The right to tell outrageous tall stories and swing the blue lamp without challenge - even if it's obvious they are lies or physically impossible.
3. However, all the above are obliged to mention the miner's strike, the Brixton/Tottenham Riots or any major act of terrorism or civil unrest and imply they played a pivotal role for which they are entitled to humble acclaim

Gold Card 3-4"

1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty
2. All Blah must be factually based, but subject to generous poetic license
3. May be challenged by Platinum cardholders only
4. Any non divisional Blah to be supported by a witnessing officer.

Silver Card 4-5"

1. Unlimited Blah when supervised by Platinum or Gold cardholders
2. Unsupervised Blah when in company of junior officers - subject to a strict enforcement of no more than an audience of four (4) other officers - none of whom are allowed to hold probationer status
3. May only Blah about any incident attended in company of a senior card holder after that officer has first declined the opportunity to do so or considers the Blah factor to be beneath his exclusive position.

Bronze Card 5-6"

1. All Blah to be limited to no more than 30 minutes per tour of duty
2. Must consult a Platinum Cardholder about Blah content before addressing the public arena
3. All Blah to be factual and witnessing officer to be present during presentation.
4. Any Blah from a previously worked division to be supported by MG11 from witnessing officer/s
5. Must accept all belittling and ridicule of their Blah efforts in good spirit
6. Under no circumstances to Blah to probationary constables unless supervised by a Platinum Cardholder

6"+

1. NO BLAH WHATSOEVER

English Pensioner said...

What is my daughter entitled to after 22 years on the Met Civil Staff other than a certificate from the Commissioner? I reckon that she's entitled to Platinum as she's had to put up with all the blah!

Hogday said...

SMT Expenses Card: Free mirror to hang behind ones desk bearing the words, "Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the .........(insert appropriate text) of all".

PS. Area, I think one of your commenters has OCD.

Blue Eyes said...

Hogs, I have SPD. Is that similar?

Hogday said...

@Blue: either way it probably makes your eyes water

Anonymous said...

I've got a DVD ...will that do ?

Anonymous said...

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