Sunday, 16 December 2007

Police Bible

From the Police Bible comes this passage.

In the beginning was The Plan. Then came the Assumptions. The Assumptions were without form. The Plan was completely without substance and darkness was upon the face of the Policemen, and they spoke amongst themselves, saying "It is a crock of shit and it stinketh".

And the Policemen went unto their sergeants saying, "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof," and the sergeants went unto their Inspectors saying, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

The Inspectors then went unto the Chief Inspectors saying "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide it's strength." The Chief Inspectors spoke amongst themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."

The Chief Inspectors then went to their Superintendants saying, "It promotes growth and it is very powerful."

The Superintendants went unto the Borough Commander and said "This new Plan will actively promote growth and efficiency of the Force and in weak areas in particular"

The Borough Commander looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good and the Plan became Policy. This is how shit happens: so sayeth the Poor Bloody Copper.


This is doing the rounds at the moment...

13 comments:

justacop said...

Every time I read it, it is just as funny. In the current situation it is a laugh I needed. Almost as funny as Gordons unelected Government trying to run a nation.

Brian said...

MetcountyMounty... where are you? I want to take your picture again

Girl*Next*Door said...

Brilliant! I can absolutely imagine that.

As I am catching up on blog reading then your previous post made me choke on my coffee, please put a warning before posting stuff like that again Area!

& the one before that, I would absolutely & without a doubt be "Chipper"
I'm not sure if that's good or bad! Lol

PC South West said...

I always wondered how it all came to pass!

Bazza said...

Printed out, this now sits, pride of place, on the office wall with my own little addition of "VSA Anyone?". If you're West Yorks you'll know what I mean. If not, our Chief is trying to upset his workers with a new shift pattern and reduction of Police Regs protection at the same time as a pay rise/cut. The man has no idea.

justacop said...

Don't forget Bazza, as I understand it the majority of staff expected to work a VSA have to vote in favour of it. In our force it is 75%. Force their hand and let them enforce a regulation shift pattern, because, as our force realised, it is no good to them at all. Your fed should be on top of it really, but check out the VSA setup.

Regulation 20 Police Regs.
VARIABLE SHIFT ARRANGEMENTS
a) A chief officer may bring into operation variable shift arrangements, agreed by
him with the joint branch board, for all or any particular class of members below the rank of inspector (below the rank of superintendent for part-time members).

Hope that helps.

Annette said...

Trust P C South West to think of such a gem.
Very funny.

thoughts running through my head.... said...

I am so going to print that off for work!

"gunner" said...

seems to me that i saw/heard the same thing moving up from the ranks back in my marine corps days, a very long time ago. back when i was carrying an m-1 and your guys were still carrying lee-enfields.
"gunner"

Bazza said...

Justacop
We voted against it (passed by 3 votes) as the Chief was also trying to get us out of Regs completely. The Chief has had a right tantrum and slagged us off in the press. Just got to keep the young uns from trying to agree to another vote, they don't realise the only protection we've got is Regs.

justacop said...

Bazza, I know what you are saying, it's up to us 'oldies' to educate the young officers in the ways of the police - I sound like Master Yoda. Anyway, I digress, what the younger officers fail to realise is that we have been and done just about every variation of working practice since time in memorial and we do have a pretty good idea as to what works best. The trouble is most senior officers have not either because they have only been in the job less than 10 minutes. Listen to the voice of experience and you won't go far wrong. As for chiefs throwin tantrums, who cares, if you can't take the heat - sod off!!

TWINING said...

And then the policy was given to Twining who unto said, "bin it." That's where that belongs......

Anonymous said...

Your Personnel next Buy Runescape Moneyjourneyed unto the primary Inspectors saying "It is usually a vessel of plant food, as well as nothing may possibly abide it is power.In . The primary Personnel talked amid themselves, telling each other, "It includes whateverBuy Diablo 3 gold products seed expansion and it's very good.In .