Sunday, 18 May 2008

Magic Tree

I get lots and lots of emails; most are not addressed to me, and even fewer are relevant to me, but it gives me a lovely warm fuzzy feeling inside when I get back to work after a set of rest days to find that people at work love me so much they feel the need to write to me.

Even if most are along the lines of "will all HR staff please note that the door to the office must be locked at 3pm sharp on leaving the office so that the computers are not used by non-HR staff (ie 24hour Police Officers)."

I was on refs and reading through my emails, when I read one from one of our team Sergeants, addressed to all our team. It read something like this:
"At a recent critical incident, the Chief Inspector was disappointed to note that some of our officers were not wearing their hats, and others had put on their hi-viz jacklets without first putting on their ties. He has asked for this to be raised within the team, and it has fallen to me to raise this morale-building point on behalf of the senior management team.
Although I recognise that the incident was a fast moving and dangerous one, and you all had more on your mind, and in fact I was probably a guilty party, please try not to make yourselves a target for senior management.
On a side note, at this incident I noticed that one of our response vehicles had a fetching little decoration of a magic tree hanging from the rear view mirror. I do not want to see this again, or else I personally will be having words.
Thanks all, Sergeant Weary

Fair point. Cut to Area locking his computer, and making his way to his unit that he had carefully parked in the Chief Supernintendo's parking space (it's OK - it was after 4pm). If a little bird had been sat on the Police Station wall, he would have noticed Area having a casual chat with a Sergeant whilst standing conspicuously in front of his windscreen and trying desperately to attract attention from the rear view mirror, then hurriedly removing an offending (Peach Blossom flavour) magic tree from his car before making his way up to his computer in a reflective frame of mind.

In my defence, these cars are used twenty four hours a day seven days a week. They are eaten in, they are sat in by officers wearing body armour in all weathers, after foot chases, they have drunks and vagrants in and even the occasional dog.

Two days later, another email from Sergeant Weary.
"RE my last email. The point also stands in relation to Traffic Light Air Freshners, Winnie the Pooh air fresheners, or in fact any object hung off the rear view mirror.
That is all



For The People said...


Anonymous said...

For the those of us of who spell colour with a "u" and there is an "e" in Grey, what does BTWG mean?

Kipper in the Skippers aircon

There and Back said...

That's had me in stitches and, in my opinion, is completely ridiculous.

The last couple of officers I stopped and chatted with were munching their way through a bag of Haribo. Wonder how that would go down?

Anonymous said...

Sack the garage hand!

Happy Met Copper said...

Recently got words of advice for something similar.
Our car, an 05 reg, wasn't smelling to friendly. Despite best efforts to get it clean, and being informed that it was the garage hands job, nothing would work.
Imagine our delight when a brand new 08 reg car turned up in the yard.
Logbook and keys quickly seized and a scene follows of two coppers running backwards and forwards transferring all the kit from one car to another.
Our dreams were shattered a couple of hours later when the duty officer calls up asking where his new car is. So much for show room fresh.

bawpc said...

All these items removed from the mirror should be stuck to the skippers computer! Just to make a point...

Stil giggling...that was great!

weepeecee said...

I know someone who had to carry out a stop-search wearing haribo jelly 'rings' on all her fingers.
She had her tie on so it was probably OK.

We've had all this hat nonsense recently as well. The team sergeants are nervous.

No one has told us we aren't allowed to use the loudspeaker on the crew bus to 'meow' at early-morning dog walkers though. Yet.

Anonymous said...

One crew were having a feud with another during the day shift.......... I appear for the night shift and find a strange sticky substance on the steering wheel, door handles (inside and outside) and gear stick.

After some messy investigating we found out it was Hypostop Glucose Gel, highly sugery, sticky, gooey and renound for being difficult to get off.

Would have been big trouble if the boss was on that shift!

Metcountymounty said...

Louise, I accidentally burst a bag of the glucose gel once when helping out paramedics with a mate who was in diabetic shock, it went all over my arms and I had to bin the towels that I used to get the stuff off. worked on bringing her round pretty quick but that stuff is horrible!!

Whichendbites said...

Wait till the messages about sunglasses start.
Charity tie pins are sure for another resurrection as well.

Busy said...

National Police car?
I hope that's a standard not a quantity!

Area Trace No Search said...

Busy - I'm praying that's the case, or our response times are going to get even worse...

mystic mog said...

Back in the day when Senior Officers were akin to god - instead of "call me Gavin" a colleague and I were on foot patrol at 0200 on a wet November night (this was 1976!!) when we were called on the radio - by 'eck if worked sometimes - to report to the Station Sgt at once - in we go to be "Stuck on" (told we were being disciplined) for not only failing to see the Area Commander in Civvies, in his private car (he drove past us at speed on the High St!) But for failing to salute him !!
They were the days (thank god they're long gone)

PCFrankyFact said...

Wot about those twisty airwick things that slot onto the air vents?
Sorry Area, been a bit distracted of late. Thought a large crab that nipped me a good few years back had come to have another pinch but he went on by without touching me.
Bosses have been their usual understanding selves. Mentioned something about UPP and having my best interests at heart.
Ah well. Off on family jaunt to Turkey on Friday for 2 weeks A/I.

thoughts running through my head.... said...

ha!We dont really get chased up on our hats+ties cos anyone above pc level is office bound,so they wouldnt know anyway.

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