Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Oink Oink

Sorry for the lack of posts, I have managed to get single figures worth of sleep in about ten days, so things have been a bit blurred for me.

Regarding this post, it appears that on reading the news maybe my senior officer was not being pig headed.
Maybe he was being prescient AND pig headed.

Personally if I'm ever in the position where a Nurse calls me love or dearie then I'll smile and make the most of it - they're usually so stretched and overworked that the sight of another weary uniformed copper turning up (and usually trying to cadge some gloves or tea) illicits nothing more than a barely supressed sigh.


I also got called in for a bollocking the other day, which was not so nice. Interestingly though, the Supernintendo had to tell me that at the same time as bollocking me, I was also getting a QSR (Quality of Service Report) placed on my personel file, signed by him. For the exact same incident...

He realised the ridiculousness of it as well, but had to play his part.

In recognition of this, as I took the QSR and shook his hand, I kept a serious frown on my face.

As Inspector Gadget is fond of saying, you couldn't make it up.

Also, I have received recently a slightly strange text from PC Pinkstone. I think that alcohol may have been involved in the creation of it. Please to suggest any completely unrelated and off the wall ideas for texts I can send in return.

18 comments:

PC Michael Pinkstone said...

I am currently typing in a little box on the top right hand side of my screen that states, 'Leave your comment'.

Sometimes, though, there just aren't the words. I've just read that BBC report - having erroneously believed that we reached rock bottom a while ago - and find myself quite succinctly wrong, again.

The tangled, convoluted, politically hysterical, paranoid state we have got ourselves into truly, truly beggars belief. No amount of writing about it seems to ever describe how simply incredible it has all become.

And as for this alleged 'text message' ... well, er ... erm

Roses said...

I wish I could say that I find it difficult to believe...after two and a half years of reading police blogs - I do believe it.

Doesn't stop me writing what a complete and utter ***t he is. Grrrr!

Text message? 'The guinea pigs have taken over the bank' might be a good place to start.

My drunken text messages tend to be declarations of undying love to friends who know me well enough not to take me too seriously.

MattW said...

I've come to the conclusion that no matter how crazy you think things have got, there's always a way in which they can get worse.

Blue Eyes said...

Strange as it may sound, I can imagine exactly the kind of "incident" which would generate a complaint and a compliment simultaneously. I am guessing that you bent the rules slightly to achieve a good result? Perhaps took a risk that paid off?

We live in mad times.

Mike said...

Those 'Good job, now don't do it again' situations can be quite funny at times.

Max said...

Ah drunken text messages, and the mad scramble the next morning to check your phone and facebook to see what rubbish you have written...

Lola Snow said...

I really want to believe that you are kidding, but sadly I know that you aren't.

At least SuperN has completed this years personal performance target for enforcing ridiculous policies. The home office can rest easy in their beds, thank the lord. Ticks in boxes all round then.

Lola

TonyF said...

Blimy, we'll have to resort to 'sir' or 'ma'am' from now on, failure to do so to be punishable by instant dismissal!

Pete said...

Hey Metcounty - when we worked Marble Arch together you used to say that if any Twat of the general public complained about you that you'd call him a Twat to his face.

WTF happened after that last time?

BTW: How's Steve? Does he still make you those beautiful chicken dinners when you get home at nights?

Girl*Next*Door said...

Seeing as I am a regular sender of drunk texts, ranging from the sublime to the completely off the wall ridiculous (if they are legible at all that is) then I best keep my head down on this one.

Drunk texts can be ever so amusing & great mickey take material! :o)

As for the deranged shop monkey. I have one for sale. Suffers moodswings (which adds to the enjoyment really) & is just about housetrained.
Don't worry, we can work out a payment plan!

Anonymous said...

Did you manage to park the panda (sounds kinky) both facing, and facing away from, the wall?
j

TheBinarySurfer said...

Yet another random "guide" that serves no real purpose other than grabbing a headling.

My personal favourite is drunken chain-text jokes (apologies if anyone knows these already). Here's an example from a few weeks back:

What do you call a chav in a suit?
The defendant.
What do you call a chav in a box?
Innit.
What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted.
What do you call a chav in a locked box?
Safe.

Annette said...

To be honest I don't mind being called 'love'I also call people love and even darling.
I think it's endearing.

PC Plastic Fuzz said...

Ask him if he can look after your fish while you go on holiday next moon. If it’s Ok, you’ll bring the carpet round in preparation, yesterday.

Random enough?

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