Tuesday, 27 January 2009


Chatting to a Nurse at the local Hospital last week, I encountered a new term.

We had been dealing with yet another violent idiot that needed help but was refusing to accept it - for an example, have a look here at Kingmagic's post.
Basically, take that scene and transplant it into a busy London Hospital rather than a busy A&E anywhere else in the country.

Our suspect/victim/patient had been spotted having an altercation with a number of drunks in a local town centre. On our arrival, realising he was the target of our attentions, he scoffed all of his copious drugs supply rather than get nicked.

Cue a fight, followed by a roll around, followed by another fight, this time drug fuelled as his gear kicked in.
Of course, he refused medical attention. However we (unfortunately) have a duty of care, so LAS turned up and the not-so willing volunteer was transported up in the back of the Ambulance to the hospital, cuffed and stuffed and attended on by four knackered coppers.

And of course a chipper ambo crew.
Ambo: 1 "Name and date of birth please?"
Patient: "Fuck you, fuck you, I'll fucking have ya!"
Ambo 2: "We'll take that as declined."
Ambo 1: "Right. Doctor's name?"
Patient: "I'll fuckin' take ya, get these cuffs off! AAAGH!"
Ambo 1: "Ok. I'll take that as declined again."
Ambo 2: "Officers, would you mind awfully keeping the noise down? I'm trying to listen to the football results and frankly you're all making a bloody racket back there."

So, into the Hospital. Still kicking off, our man was cuffed with one hand on to each of the trolley rails he has been moved on to. Of course, he got a private room whilst the seventy year old pensioner outside continued to wait, but hey ho. Nurses and all staff were very helpful as always - security were also called to assist if necessary. This is always a very kind gesture, but the combined age of the two frail security guards there is similar to the age of three retired coppers.

Wonder of wonders, a Doctor was pushed forward. But wait, why were the two nurses and the staff nurse grinning? Ah yes, a new attendee Doctor.

"Can you take one of the cuffs off please?"
(Snigger snigger from the nurses)

Five minutes later, after a brief struggle, blood and medical liquids over the doctor, and a couple of extra injuries for all concerned all round, we stepped outside to chat and chill. Sedatives were issued pretty quickly after the very brief initial examination by the Doctor.

I knew one of the nurses quite well, and noticed a large bruise on her arm.
"You OK? Did he get you on the arm? If so he'll be coming in for that"
She blinked, and looked at her arm: "This? No, its fine. It's just a UDI."
She stared at me for a second - "Yes - an Unidentified Drinking Injury."

Incidentally, yet another time where my boots are caked in blood, as are my trousers. However, we have to buy our own boots and we have been told due to budget restraints we are not allowed to order any uniform until the next financial year.
Wonder if I'll get in trouble for turning up for parade in my boxer shorts?


Anonymous said...

reading as much stuff as I have from yourself and your blog colleagues I am no longer surprised by the amount of shit you have to put up with, but the fact that you have to buy your own boots is a disgrace.
all the best John Gibson

Tragerstreit said...

My favorite term for fellows like that is 'intoxicombative'. It makes me grin when little else does.

Blue Eyes said...

Stick 'em on a hot wash... twice...

Tawny said...

Shows you how times have changed, when I was younger a UDI was when you caught by a fag butt on the dancefloor, or scratched your leg on bush after a night out.
The fact that you can't order new uniform is ridiculous!

dickiebo said...

Turning up for duty in blood-stained troos would bring some 9 - 5ers out of their office a bit sharpish. After all, 'Professional STANDARDS' old boy!
PS. Don't you get Boot Allowance nowadays?

Anonymous said...

I believe theres a force somewhere dishing out flip flops, if that helps? You should have been a banker, you could have burnt a pile of boots the size of Birmingham, and nulabour would just keep buying you more...But seeing as you are merely performing duties concerned with the actual people of the country, f+*k it, turn up in roller skates...

Metcountymounty said...

I read on a casualties notes once "assessment - DIGT"

Drunk Idiot, Got Thumped.

Hogday said...

First free housing then boots. What a pile of sh1te. PS. Yes, there are still people who believe that the police get a free house or rent allowance in lieu, when as we know, most of these `assets` were sold off years ago, to pay for god knows what. Mis-management at it's absolute peak.

Max said...


Do you claim back from the tax man for boots and other things?get in touch with the fed and they should fill you in. I THINK you can claim back for the last 5 or 6 years if you dont do it per annum.

Shug said...

Area, great to see you back posting regularly.

Welcome back and with 2 really good posts



PC Michael Pinkstone said...

Max - you certainly can claim back for uniform & boot allowance. Just done so myself and got the letter back yesterday. Seems the taxman owes me over £300.

That should be enough to create plenty of UDI's in February.

Anonymous said...

Try it! Dare You!!

Constable Confused.com said...

Just don't ever wash them with anyone else's clothes! My uniform gets it's own special treatment.

Did you know that our work trousers can be tumble dried with no adverse effects? Neither did I until about a week ago. Thanks to my wife for that esential piece of knowledge.

Vetnurse said...

Pity the drugs did not kill him, one less scroat to mess the streets up.

I do not really understand why security guards are always elderly, or look ill or generally unhealthy. They may like their job but they bless them are not really going to secure anything.

Hogday said...

Just remembered another great A&E abbreviation I once saw on a chart, reserved for mutts with dumb GBH injuries: `NFR` When I asked the nurse replied, `Normal For Reading`. Does this have equivalents in other towns and cities i wonder?

Von Spreuth. said...

We used to get "boot allowance". my last one bought a pair of laces and that was it.

We used to get "rent allowance" as well. I will ALWAYS remember that card board box. Really WARM in the winter so it was.

Von Brandenburg-Preu├čen.

TheBinarySurfer said...

You know they've been kicking around the idea of forcing coppers to buy "rent" their uniform for a few years now?

Soon you'll have to buy your own beltkit and the application form for the job will say "must be willing to use own car on police business"...

Bridge said...

And of course, if you were to taser this gentleman he'd probably sue for excessive use of force, or even worse he'd die from the interaction of 50,000 volts with a gut full of drugs and then you'd be in the shit that way.

When will the government realise that they can't protect everyone's human rights, because everyone has different beliefs. What they need to do is focus on the rights of those people who want to live in peace and harmony in compliance with the law, and those who want to get ripped to the tits and smash the place up may, unfortunately, find that their rights are rescinded.

Tazers for all - with a brief that they may be deployed if a suspect does not comply with an instruction within 10 seconds, or any immediately against any suspect who steps towards an officer after being told not to.

Then again, they'd probably make you fork out for recharging the batteries.

Noddy said...

Max and Mike Pinkstone are right. Claim the tax back for your boots. It's a few hundred quid, so it's worth the minimal effort.

Anonymous said...

@ Hogday from MidSouthJP -
Our version is NFN (Normal for Norfolk). And a particular favourite is Epsom, meaning a patient who is beyond Barking, depending on your direction of travel I suppose.

Anonymous said...

Another casualty assessment for a drunk I once saw was DKDFC

Don't know, Don't f*cking care

Anonymous said...

I do believeCheap GW2 Gold there happens to be force a place doling out sandals, in the event it allows? You need to have been recently a new bank, you'll have burnt off the bin of shoes how big is Greater london, and nulabour Guild Wars 2 Gems would just hold buying an individual additional