Tuesday, 8 January 2008

Scrambled Egg

In Custody. Dealing with an arrest too boring to give the details of.

It was office hours, so there was a chance I may be able to hand over the arrest to a specialist investigation team - or failing that, a poor frustrated probationer who has been ordered to work on the Prisoner Processing Team.

It also meant that there were members of the Senior Management Team on duty. This means they can walk up to you whilst you are trying to negotiate with a drunken prisoner for his draw strings from his tracksuit bottoms, and ask you what you think of the current "divisional priorities." Or even ask you what they are.

I was attempting to write my notes, when an officer with silver and gold spread liberally on his shoulders approached me. A space cleared around me, as other coppers made good their escape. The custody sergeant started to type frantically and buried his head towards the computer screen.

I was on my own.

Senior Officer: "Hello there, er... what have you got in today?"
Area: "An arrest sir."
SO: "Ah good, with a detection I hope?"
Area: "No sir, I'm afraid not."
SO: "Ok, well there is a push on them at the moment, we are all being measured on our personal performance when it comes to getting arrests and detections."
(WE are not being measured on our personal performance for that. I am being measured on my personal performance.)
SO: "What's that on your shirt, on the radio loop?"
Area: "A tie pin sir, a charity one."
SO: "Well, that may be so, but you shouldn't wear it - any personal statement like that can cause offence to other groups."
Area: "It's an NSPCC tie pin sir - who will it cause offence to? Paedophiles? I thought we wanted to make their lives uncomfortable?"
Custody Sergeant (in emergency live saving mode): "Er, Area, can you get your prisoner out of the cell, I need to talk to him urgently. Now, Area."

The tie pin has gone now, but not for the guvnor - I broke it in a fight with a drunken wife of a man we'd arrested for beating her up, a week later.


Emma said...

How bloody ridiculous, I bet he wears a self sticking poppy too...x

Roses said...

The problem with people like him (one of the many), is that he really doesn't help the diversity agenda.

All he's doing is alienating you (again), I would understand it, if it was an 'I luv Hitler' badge. As someone who straddles several minority boxes, I think he's talking out his arse.

RandomPinkness said...

Oh good God, not the NCPCC!!! I'm disgusted. My what a eejit, maybe he thought it would cause offense to green people?

TheBinarySurfer said...

Having been following your blog for a while now Area, I suspect you're one of these people that spends most of their day biting back sarcastic comments (much like me) to idiot things that were said.

Good blog, keep it up (yes i'm the same tbs who comments on IG and PC Blogg's) and try to stay sane in the face of such rampant idiocy.

Metcountymounty said...

I bet he's the same kind of senior officer who'll have a go at you as you get out of the van looking like crap because you've been scrapping on the floor with a coked up idiot for 20 minutes. something they last did - if ever - twenty odd years ago.

thoughts running through my head.... said...

most of them have barely spent more than a few years out and about from what I can gather,which explains it all!!
ATNS-what song was going through your head??!

Falco said...

I'm beginning to understand more and more why UK LEOs are emigrating (or considering same) to places like Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc.

Girl*Next*Door said...

What a first class twat! Would he have said the same if it had been a gay pride pin? After all, some people find homosexuality deeply offensive, as do some religions. Somehow I think not. What a sad state it is when your tie pin gets more comment & time than the crimes you are trying to sort against an ever flowing current of red tape.

Agree with Roses too, all the oer pc'ness of things achieves the opposite of what it set out to.

Go buy another Area, just to piss him off! alternatively, wear your headgear I also admire.... That would cause a stir ;o)

Inspector Gadget said...

GND very good point - he wouldn't have challenged a Gay Pride badge! what a complete f***wit - I spend all my time trying to make up for idiots like this. Who gives a flying f**k about detections anyway.

Area Trace No Search said...

Not just me then? That is a relief.

Emma, why don't I have permission to view your blog?

Emma said...

I have had to lock down but I have sent you an invite..xx

Metcountymounty said...

as I said to a skipper the other night "I arrested him for what he had done, if it was something else then I would have nicked him for that, I don't do figures, and I'm not going to stretch a D&D into a sec.4 just to make someone else happy. he was drunk. and disorderly, thats all"

Old Man said...


I had one like that.

...taking a cautioned statement... and the Man walks in and casually asks "what are you doing?"...

So, I told him, and also said that he had to be put on the record...

He said "No, you can't do that"...


Of course I did and he shat himself stupid until the case was finished at Court.

See where I am going?

Old Man

P.S.Promotion should be every Police officer's goal: get promoted and there are fewer fools telling you what to do.

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