Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Express Yourself


Like many coppers, I often claim to be unshockable.
And then I am without fail proved wrong.

One of the things that was slightly disconcerting to me when I first started doing Gaoler duty was some of the cell dweller's activities once safely hidden away in their rooms.

Spitting, fighting, self harming, vandalism, peeing or defecating in unusual places - all expected and easily coped with.

However, some of our 'clients' partake in slightly different methods for passing the time.

A significant number of young adult males feel that whilst lying in the (CCTV viewed) cell awaiting questioning is a good time to indulge in some "self expression."

I think it's safe to say that whatever fantasies people may or may not have about Police Officers, seeing the reality of the urine stained, dirty, smelly, vomit ridden cells is not something that would turn most people on.

Of course, rattling the wicket on the door and reminding them that their cell is covered by CCTV as they approach the crucial moment is only fair.
Bizarrely, this only stops some of them.

As I said, I'm still shockable.

20 comments:

Lola Snow said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speechless. It doesn't happen often, but OH MY GOD.

For my fragile mental health I would like to pretend that this is a joke....

Lola x

Sgt. Custerd said...

Yes, brought back many memories of Custody officing... i'll save them up for a big post early next year...

and I've linked you to my blog.

Zed said...

And I thought that my twin daughters idea of re-decorating their room with their full nappies was disgusting (this was a while back - they're 19 now!)...

OMG - that is a vile photo.

Roses said...

WTF!

And what Lola said!

Don't mind me, I just need to winch my jaw back up.

I think I must live in a different reality...remind me not to move.

Roses said...

PS. Do those people who 'decorate' the cells in their bodily fluids, get the bill for the professional cleaners?

If not, why not?

Custard Skipper said...

Yep sounds like a few customers, most bizarre was the gent who was 'self expressing' for the whole time he was in his cell, (over weekend as well waiting for court) he just did not stop!

Most disgusting moment was clearing the blanket from a cell recently vacated and having 'liquid' from 'self expression' dripping off onto my boot - Yuk!

PC Plastic Fuzz said...

I've just started arresting and booking in....I now completely understand what you’re saying.

Tawny said...

Brilliant blog, I have laughed and cried for you. I have made a post about it in my own blog and have linked to you. I hope you don't mind

Rae!xx said...

Things still amaze me what the so called human being is capable of, rather you then me Area...xx

Hogday said...

An un-shockingly familiar sight ATNS and a story where friends/family etc would look at you with that `he's going OTT again` expression of disbelief. I got to the stage where I'd either tone the stories down or just not bother to tell them at all, thus sparing my nearest and dearest the horror, although sometimes I needed to convince myself that I really did see it! Yes, you are right though, its amazing how much excrement you really do encounter in the job isn't it? Maybe it is the only bit of self expression these hopeless souls have got- some legacy! Now, before I forget, wash your hands!

Blue Eyes said...

I'm disappointed to admit that this doesn't surprise me although luckily I have not seen it! I mean one has to be pretty shameless to get into the kind of trouble that lands you up in the nick anyway. The tracksuit-clad armies spend a lot of their time with their hands down their pants and that's just walking down the street!

PC South West said...

When are we going for this beer then area??

Metcountymounty said...

I remember getting kitted up in L2 gear for a cell relocation and having to put on a white soco suit over the top, we were all completely minging when we left custody, covered in blood/piss/snot/spit etc. We cut the suits off to prevent further contamination and I had to bin my gloves and boots, took ages to break the new ones in.

Constable Confused.com said...

I think you spoil them. We don't give them sinks round here! Unfortunately they are allowed a toilet. Yuk!

Girl*Next*Door said...

OMG! I hadn't actually thought of that scenario. I'm very concerned for the people who not only do it, but find you knocking on their cell door finishes them off! Worrying!

I did get told an absolutely sickening story of what a woman got up to whilst in a cell while she had her period though. I'm almost retching at the remembered story.

Blue Eyes said...

Merry Christmas Mr ATNS and family and all your readers.

TonyF said...

On A happier note


HAPPY XMAS! and a Peaceful New Year... I Hope!

"gunner" said...

coming in late, disgusted but not surprised. some "people" haven't quite got a foot up on the evolutionary ladder yet.
"gunner"

Anonymous said...

I thought D3 Gold that the double matrimony equality thought of re-decorating the area making use of their entire diapers seemed to be horrible (thisGW2 gold was a while again : these are 21 right now!)...

gw2 gold said...

I'm disappointed to admit that this doesn't surprise me although luckily I have not seen it! I mean one has to be pretty shameless to get into the kind of trouble that lands you up in the nick anyway. The tracksuit-clad armies spend a lot of their time with their hands down their pants and that's just walking down the street!gw2 gold
GW2 Gold