Monday, 9 November 2009

Introducing The Hardline


Shortly before my enforced absence from both the blogging and Policing world I got an email from a Police Officer with perhaps the funniest signature I’ve read in a work communication.

It was so funny that I had to ask the officer concerned whether he actually used it – he told me that not only did he use it, but that almost no one had noticed.



This was either a joke that I didn't get, or an elaborate lie in order to test my credulity.


Alternatively, my Inspector is more observant than his.

My numerous attempts at creating signatures were quickly thwarted. My first three were trialed in emails to my whole team. I knew when my Inspector had read the first by two methods. First, my outlook folder has the "read" reports turned on. Secondly, after fifteen seconds there was a bellow of "AREA!" from the office.

After the first three, I simply sent the next ones directly to the Inspector for him to proof read. I'm relatively sure that he may have found at least one amusing, and also just as sure that he doesn't even have a computer at home - let alone the will and ability to waste his evenings off reading Police blogs.

So, any suggestions at an email signature are welcome. I will actually use the best of them- but acting on my Inspector's orders, I am not allowed any reference to: obesity, teenage obesity, any type of warfare, Dog the Bounty Hunter, or CAMRA.

Nor any mention of fishing, hypnosis, or ripped jeans.

24 comments:

C J said...

"Close your eyes and this email will disappear."

Anonymous said...

Good to see you back. Thought you might like to see one of your NZ colleagues at work.
linky

(hope this works)

Sage said...

I use 'parfois tout ce que nous avons c'est nos rĂªves' as my signature line.

People assume that it means something deep and meaningful.. all it says it 'Sometimes all we have is our dreams'

Keeps me going, just.. xx glad to see you back.

Anonymous said...

"This email has been sent using 100% recycled electrons"

Works even better if you can find a little image of the green recycling logo to put next to it.

Lola Snow said...

"Serving with apathy"

"Treating everyone with the same level of contempt and disinterest"

"Because chicks dig the uniform"

I could go on....

Lola x

Hogday said...

"Because I'm Worth It"

Blue Eyes said...

Do many people in your team do Latin? A colleague of mine has as his screen saver "Semper in excremento sumus, solum profunditas variat"

As an out-of-office you could have "PC Area is away from his desk. If your email is urgent, he can be contacted on 999".

Blue Eyes said...

PS is that photo a double bluff? I.e. is it you but no-one would ever believe you to be so brazen as to post a photo of yourself on your own blog?

:-s

Hogday said...

Don't fall for Blue's ploy ATNS. I posted my real photo once and got a shedload of e-mails from Russian women wanting to marry me.

Tom said...

Glad you have returned to your fold.

Cadbury Moose said...

Signatures....

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but
it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."

or

"Cost-cutting only counts if it involves reducing employee training
or morale. -- Joe Bednorz."

or even:

"You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message. -- Malc in uk.rec.sheds"

There's also the perennial favourite: "Floggings will continue until morale improves."

3:O)>

Cadbury.
p.s: It's good to have you back.

Blue Eyes said...

How about the old "Everyone brings joy to this office, some when they arrive others when they leave"

TheBinarySurfer said...

Nice to see you back Area. Watch yourself for DT's from a few month's worth of perscription painkillers eh? Sorry to hear about the injury!

Here we go (for one of 'those' days mind):

---"This email does not reflect force policy, but may contain; violence, horror, drug abuse, driving too fast, firearm ownership, and naughty words like "fuck" which are used in combination with the last 5 activities.

If you are offended by such things, i strongly suggest you go fuck a wet light socket, and PS, don't bother sueing me as i'm only a constable. My chief constable is : X and he gets paid far, far too much."---

TonyF said...

I always like;


Smile.. It makes them wonder what you know.......

Metcountymounty said...

My favourite has always been 'Inveniam viam aut faciam' which means 'I shall find a way, or make one'

Sums up my ethos nicely.

Blue Eyes said...

MCM you are Sergeant Nick Angel and I claim my £5

Metcountymounty said...

Not quite, although I do own a pair of mirrored raybans and am sporting a crap 'tash for Movember, so with my public order lid on I look like one of the Andy's from CID!!! Great film!!!

Anonymous said...

My favourite (and one that has got a lot of comments) ...

"One day I will learn to stop asking questions for which I will regret learning the answers"

Best thing about this quote? It's actually from an internet cartoon strip called "The Order of the Stick" about a role playing game!

Tawny said...

Good to see you back, we missed you!

Just sign off with 'Move along please, nothing to see here'

Thomas said...

No interesting suggestions for signatures....

Glad to see your back though - I had got down to checking your blog once a week.....

Blue Eyes said...

"I had got down to checking your blog once a week....."

I was still checking in a few times a day just in case, but then I actually don't have anything better to do...

blueknight said...

One of our squad was part German and he spoke it fluently.
Our squad motto was 'When the sh*t hits the fan, everybody gets spattered'. Which sounded twice as good in German

The Blue Light Run said...

'Stand Back. I do all my stunts'.

Good to see you back.

Anonymous said...

Complete many gw2 goldindividuals as part of your staff do Latina? A new colleague of my own provides because his or her display short-cut "Semper with excremento sumus, Diablo 3 itemssolum profunditas variat"