Thursday 13 January 2011


uıɐƃɐ ʎɐqǝ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ƃuıʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯɐ ı

Monday 3 January 2011

A Special Writes

A guest writer, a Special Constable from the massed ranks of MSC:

When I became interested in joining the police, being an obsessive I hoovered up any and all the information about the job, the organisation, the people and the ties that I could lay my eyes on. Many of my sources were obvious, some less so. I quickly dismissed The Bill as rather glammed up. I mean seriously, how many coppers are there as good looking and wholesome as June Ackland? I devoured sites like PC Copperfield's. I read his book. And then I thought to myself "surely not!?". At my day job things get sometimes get pretty bizarre, but could the police service really be shooting itself in the foot like that?

I have been a part-timer for a couple of years now. Not long, you'll agree. I have been assigned to four different teams in that time. No sooner have I got settled into the routine and personalities of one team is it disbanded and re-created under a new brand. One PC I worked with right at the start seems to have gone full circle the other way and we are now on the same team again - miles away from where either of us was all that very short time ago. I recently had to make a "business case" for keeping my locker in the station where I
work from.

A few pointless re-brandings and re-shuffles I can handle. After all, I have - according to the recruitment process at least - sufficient Resilience to carry out my role efficiently and professionally. But it's the other ridiculous barriers that hurt. We are now no longer supposed to work with any other team than our own. If my team is not working on a day when I can, then there is apparently no policing that I can assist with. I cannot simply turn up, present myself to the duty skipper and ask if there's anything he or she needs my boots for.
Never mind that the duty skipper is invariably overjoyed to have an extra pair of boots for a few hours. Never mind that working with different teams is good for the soul and the Personal Development Plan. It is verboten and I will be shouted at.

When I started I busted a gut to experience as much of the world of policing as I could. I did not want to be that special who didn't know what to do in a particular situation. I did not want to be the one who shied away from getting involved in something for fear of embarrassing himself. I wanted to be the special who was trusted not to wander off or make a difficult situation worse by saying the wrong thing. In my first year I was one of the hardest working - in terms of hours - specials in my division. I had the spreadsheet to prove it. But then it started to get harder. Having got used to supervising less-experienced specials I was suddenly not allowed to go out on my own. Having got used to working most weekends I found myself restricted in the shifts I could work. I spend more time being annoyed about the pointless hoops than I do actually out on the street. My hours have collapsed and the enthusiasm gets harder to muster.

Who benefits from all this? I don't know. There must be someone making something out of it or otherwise things would be left alone. Is the police service really shooting itself in the foot? If the frequency of my handing-in-my-warrant-card fantasies is anything to go by then oh boy.

Sunday 2 January 2011


I was just catching up on some TV programmes I had recorded, and watched a HIGNFY episode.

They stated on it that the average taxpayer pays 62 pence per year for the royal family; but £38.00 per year for legal aid.
Before I have an apoplexy, can someone confirm or deny this?

In other news, I emptied out an old locker recently, and found one of my favourite complaints, where a member of public had written in to complain after seeing me trying to arrest a violent drunk outside a pub in one of our town centres.

She had written that she was with her children and was disgusted to see me rolling around on the floor with the suspect, and that I should have used 'consideration' that there may be children present, and to think of the effect witnessing my arrest would have on their children.
My Inspector called me into the CAD (Control) room to give it to me, and just said "Here you go, you heartless bastard." Oh the hilarity.

EDIT - a poster called Stumo posted this: says public funding of legal services is £2 billion per year - there are 30.6 million income tax payers

simple division gives £65 per person; the "average" will be somewhat skewed from that, and the £2 billion may not just be legal aid - but it suggests it's in the right region...

Wednesday 15 December 2010

Officer Down

A PC and PCSO have been attacked and stabbed whilst at a bus stop in London; The PCSO is said to have serious injuries, whilst the PC is believed to be in life threatening condition.

Thoughts with this officer and his family, and his colleagues.

News report HERE

An example of the dangers that are faced by our bobbies, and the willingness they have to get stuck in armed with a can of deodorant and a stick.

According to the news report the suspect was wanted on recall to prison. Which means he was SUPPOSED to be inside but had been released early; then continued to offend on the outside.
His release should bring shame to the people that allowed him out. This incident is fully the responsibility of the person who pulled the knife on the Police Officers. But the people that have created the system where he was allowed out to do this need to take a long hard look at themselves.

Sunday 12 December 2010

After being involved in a few of the student protests over the past weeks, I had the dubious pleasure of watching last week's events unfold late into the night on the various news channels.

Anyone who has done public order policing trains for this kind of situation, but equally doesn't want to ever face it. Well done to the boys and girls on the front line.

The met has released the pictures above of suspects that they are trying to ID - click this LINK to go to the Met homepage.

Sunday 28 November 2010


OFFICERS policing yesterday's student demonstrations have returned to work with serious injuries rather than admit they were hurt by some ponce called Ollie.

Many have claimed they were run over by a horse or fell off a drunk woman in a holding cell in a bid stop their colleagues finding out they were banjoed by some humanities-studying dipshit from Buckinghamshire.

Assistant commissioner, Roy Hobbs, said: "If the criminal element know we can be knocked on our arses by somebody sporting an absurd sense of entitlement and a man-bag we may as well set fire to the whole city right now."

Hundreds of protesters were 'kettled' during yesterday's demonstration, drawing comparisons with 1970's Kent State Massacre from a first-year history student with a full bladder and a head full of monkey turd.

But violence erupted as soon as police moved the crowd into a 3G black spot, leaving many unable to update their Twitter feeds with comments that will come back to haunt them when they are earning six figures at HSBC.

One police officer said: "I never thought I'd be kicked in the face by a pair of Doc Martens with daisies painted on them.

"When I got home, I told the wife I was in the evidence lockup pinching the kids some Christmas presents when a load of seized pornorgraphy fell on my head.

"If she knew the truth I'd be little more than a PCSO in her eyes and that's no kind of life."

Ollie Bishop, a furious and passionate 19 year-old from High Wycombe, added: "Gotta get down to it, soldiers are gunning us down. Should have been done long ago. What if you knew her and found her dead on the ground? How can you run when you know?

"Actually - forget that - she's fine. I think she just dropped her iPad."

News story courtesy of The Daily Mash

Thanks to my good friend Blue Eyes for pointing me towards this.

Wednesday 24 November 2010

More Protests

Zoe Williams - one of the heroes of today.

Quote from Ms Williams: "When I asked them what their motivation was they just said 'we're doing it for fun'. I don't understand that."

Once again, mixed with the worst of human behaviour is the best. The Coppers on the street trying to contain the trouble, and help their injured colleagues, and genuine protestors like Ms Williams and Aaron Porter.

A word of advice to any wannabe protestors - injured officers = PISSED colleagues.

Saturday 20 November 2010


Rules Of Blah:

Platinum Card 15 - 30 years service

Officers in the above category are permitted:

1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty
2. The right to tell outrageous tall stories and swing the blue lamp without challenge - even if it's obvious they are lies or physically impossible.
3. However, all the above are obliged to mention the miner's strike, the Brixton/Tottenham Riots or any major act of terrorism or civil unrest and imply they played a pivotal role for which they are entitled to humble acclaim

Gold Card 10 - 15 years service

1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty
2. All Blah must be factually based, but subject to generous poetic license
3. May be challenged by Platinum cardholders only
4. Any non divisional Blah to be supported by a witnessing officer.

Silver Card 4 - 10 years service

1. Unlimited Blah when supervised by Platinum or Gold cardholders
2. Unsupervised Blah when in company of junior officers - subject to a strict enforcement of no more than an audience of four (4) other officers - none of whom are allowed to hold probationer status
3. May only Blah about any incident attended in company of a senior card holder after that officer has first declined the opportunity to do so or considers the Blah factor to be beneath his exclusive position.

Bronze Card 2 - 4 years service

1. All Blah to be limited to no more than 30 minutes per tour of duty
2. Must consult a Platinum Cardholder about Blah content before addressing the public arena
3. All Blah to be factual and witnessing officer to be present during presentation.
4. Any Blah from a previously worked division to be supported by MG11 from witnessing officer/s
5. Must accept all belittling and ridicule of their Blah efforts in good spirit
6. Under no circumstances to Blah to probationary constables unless supervised by a Platinum Cardholder

Probationary Bronze Card 0 - 2 years service


Friday 12 November 2010

Claire Solomon - Car Crash TV

In this clip, the President of the NUS - Aaron Porter - is in my opinion an example of a good man and someone with principles; also someone with a genuine point to make.

Clare Solomon is none of the above. Watch and enjoy.

Notice how many people in this clip are wearing poppies...? Hint: Clare Solomon isn't.