Saturday 12 December 2009

Beano Down The Trousers

You'll be happy to know that I was thoroughly put in my place and given a good old-fashioned bollocking recently.

Driving my patrol car about, I'd been searching for a wanted male who was a named suspect on the PNC (Police National Computer). He had returned to his ex partner's house and made off on seeing the Police arrive into a patch of grassy land nearby, desolate apart from the odd burnt out car and used drugs paraphenalia.
I had enthusiastically joined the chase, and in doing so had got a puncture whilst attempting to drive along a gravel driveway.

Our exploits had taken us close to another force area, and knowing their nick was closest I limped the car there to survey the damage.
The tyre had a serious puncture and the car was going nowhere with it in place. So, I used my intiative (a bi-yearly event), borrowed some tools from the neighbouring force's garage hand, and then replaced the tyre with the space saver. After five minutes work, I radioed my Sergeant and told him what I was doing, then I drove the car to Kwik-fit and replaced the orginal tyre.

Sorted, and back on the road in less than an hour.

Oh no. I was then told not to take any calls, and instead to return immediately to my nick. Where I was given a bollocking by a Sergeant for changing the tyre myself. What I should have done was parked the car up at the side of the road, then called out VT to attend. I have done this before. It takes about two hours at least.
And of course, they don't carry tyres either. All they do is replace the puncture with a space saver, then let me drive to Kwik-fit to get the original replaced.

I was bollocked good and proper, and told to think about the consequences if I had injured myself whilst changing the tyre.
The fact that I used Non-Met tools in a Non-Met nick was apparently even worse, and the Sergeant (not from my team incidentally) mentioned that he was considering an action plan for me because of what I had done. I was too shocked to argue, and left the office thoroughly chastened.

It's why stories like this one from Inspector Gadget don't surprise me in the slightest.


Tom102 said...


I fear like me you will always be in the s**t, but only the depth will vary.

Never use common sense where 'elf and safety' is concerned. It never pays in the end.

Rachel said...

Classic good guy finishes last. Health and safety has become obsessively over-the-top. Soon decent people, like yourself Area, will not be interested in using a bit of common sense to do someone a favour because the repercussions only make you feel like you have done more damage than good.


Stressed Out Cop said...

He or She is a cock - we all know the rules but why do people not reward initiative.

Bring back common sense

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but all I can say is "LOL"


As I often say at work "I used my initiative once and was told off, I won't make that mistake again".

Chazza said...

Is the skipper Towbar by any chance?

"gunner" said...

i'm afraid common sense died some time ago, the funeral was attended by few mourners. nonetheless he will be sorely missed by those who followed his precepts.

TonyF said...

FFS, if the company I work for lost it's 'can do' attitude, we would go bust.

Anonymous said...

if he or she continues to be a tw*t just mention the words 'overbearing management conduct...' to them regarding their lack of understanding anothers perspective. Undoubtably a lack of understanding for others diversity etc etc they will back down so fast that your eyes will water. Some people don't understand the damage to morale that being a jobsworth does. Internal complaints are the absolute bane of a skippers life, especially if they are acting/temp.

from a serving skipper who is probably local to you

Bazza said...

Don't worry mate you can now be happy in the knowledge you are an entry in that sergeants portfolio to become an inspector. Start all retorts with "with all due respect to the rank" and end with "no offence intended" and put what ever you wantin the middle.

livesbythewoods said...

Ah VT, what a marvellous contract that must be. I wonder how much they charge per call out.

Hogdayafternoon said...

Extract from PDR of Pc ATNS.


Regrettably, in December 2009, he acted in what he foolishly believed was the best interests of the service and the public, by blatantly getting his police vehicle back in service in the shortest time possible. In so doing, he put both himself and the organisation at risk of personal injury and civil litigation. He was immediately given operational advice and strongly advised that any future breaches of policy in respect of the use of police vehicles would result in disciplinary action. His excuse, that he was available to answer emergency calls in less than half the time the approved method would take, although laudable is clearly an unacceptable breach of policy.
However, as his sergeant I wish to point out that, having all policy matters at my fingertips,I would never have made this error of judgement. I am convinced there may be an issue of gender stereotyping and feel certain I can prove that this was done not because the vehicle had a puncture, but because PC ATNS wanted to show to the female officers on duty, that this is how a real man gets things done. I am recommending that he attends a diversities refresher course. Sir, as you can see, I can spot these things and nip them in the bud. (PS. My promotion assessment is due next month - Sir, I'm your man x)

Old BE said...

"PC ATNS wanted to show to the female officers on duty, that this is how a real man gets things done"

Hogday I think you have the "measure" of our friend Mr Nosearch :-)

Metcountymounty said...

That bollocking has got Towbar or guvnors evidence written all over it. What a prick.

Hogdayafternoon said...

MCM/ATNS: In my day, his house would have appeared in the "For Sale" section of `The Job`, at a bargain basement price, complete with home phone number.

MP9000 said...

The only reason they don't want us changing tyres is so we don't hide it if we've ballsed up. I had some tw@t from VT give me a bollocking over the phone when i told him i'd done the same thing. Night duty, puncture, SINGLE CREWED, slag estate. Was i going to wait two to three hours for a fitter to put the space save on? Was i hell. Space saver, nick, fitter, new tyre, back on the road with a reasonably road worthy car in an hour and a half.

Your skipper sounds like a prat.

Anonymous said...


Like you, I'm Met and I've done exactly the same thing - on more than one occasion. Thankfully, I've mostly had nothing but support from my Guv'nor and Skippers.

Frankly though, that Skipper is an indication of how low the Met has sunk. People are more worried about ticking boxes than actually doing what we are paid to do.
People like him make me want to hand my stripes back......

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