Thursday, 7 January 2010

Snow - Naughty

In case someone in Britain hasn't noticed, it has been snowing. A bit.
This apparently is a recipe for DISASTER. I believe that it is a fact that I am one of the only adults in the whole country who has ever seen this type of precipitation before, let alone driven in it.

At least, that's what the news items would have you believing.

Inspector Gadget once again sums up my feelings perfectly about snow and Policing. So much so that there isn't a lot of point me expanding on it.

Instead, I'd like to tell you a story about what happened to me a few hours ago. Driving along a less gritted and less well known track after having refs, I spotted a group of oiks hanging around at a corner. They'd eye - fucked me as I'd driven past earlier, and so I took a little more interest than I would usually. Especially when I noticed them packing their snowballs hard into their gloved hands.
Not a problem. I slowed down and waited for it - sure enough, the barrage of ice balls came and reverberated off the windows and doors with loud bangs. The little darlings.
Obviously, I'm beyond stopping the car and yelling at them for a little bit of snow ball action. Besides, then I'm pretty sure that there would have been a second supply of snow balls, and I hate having to dry my uniform.

However, a rear wheel drive car in the snow does have it's uses. A little squirt of the gas caused the back wheels to spin, and spray said oiks with the lovely brown, dirty slush that collects on the road in weather like this.

Was it wrong of me to find this the funniest thing I've seen in days?


Anonymous said...

HiLarious!!!!! Suppose its not often one gets to get 'their own back' with a stunt like that.

Old BE said...

I am not going to make the obvious comment about eye-fucking. Good phrase.

Not sure what the Human Rights peeps would have to say about your summary justice. You are Judge Dredd and I claim my five pieces of silver!

TonyF said...

:-D Ye shall reap what you snow......

I'll get my coat.

Anonymous said...

good stuff! :)

Rach said...

Well done you, that was brilliant and I bet it was a sight to see...xx

Anonymous said...

Our area has a rather interesting policy on snow. We got an email telling us in event of adverse weather conditions we were to work at our local station, or take a compulsary days leave. I took a day off yesterday as I couldn't get out of the house due to near blizzard going on.

Today I managed to escape the house, and went to the local station only to find it closed. I called in to take a days leave, only to be bollocked for not reading the second email which was sent yesterday when I was on a days leave, explaining that we were subject to a leave embargo.


Lola x

PS For the benefit of T'inteweb spies I made all that up, and am nothing but a delusional cartoon snowflake.

Chris said...

...... so a bunch of kids with snowballs. And you valiantly subdued and overcame them with a squirt of your wheels.


You effing joke.

Real crims, what would you do with them?

You are the sad end to a once-proud tradition.

MCM said...

This is the end of time. Big white horse, big white horse!!!!

I plagiarised Peter Hitchens like crazy when I had my Sheepdogs and Wolves blog... but when my old buddy Dick Horton got busted I ran for cover and scurried under the duvet.

I'm a "Hero", I am

George Saint said...

That's what snow was invented for, that and sitting on a round shield being towed behind a panda with set of spare reins tied to the back bumper.

Anonymous said...

Technically, I believe that your revenge constitutes "Driving without due care & attention"...however I'm only an MOP so I may have that wrong. Back in the real world however, my congratulations on your good aim with the back end of the car! ;)

A bit of old-fashioned education in the consequences of one's actions for the youths in question - dare say it never did the rest of us any harm!

Methinks "Chris" has missed the point somewhat as well...

Old BE said...

Re the first point about you being one of the few adults able to cope with the snow: it's actually simpler than you think. It's not that adults can't handle the snow, more that the UK population doesn't contain many adults at all. So many people have used the snow as an excuse not to bother working that those who want to cannot! I think our company has achieved about 25% productivity this week.

Roses said...

Give as good as you get.

Good man.

My rule of the jungle if you're prepared to throw, be prepared for the consequences.

PS. I hate driving in the snow, I'd rather walk.

Metcounty said...

I only joined the Police because I got beaten up at a bus-stop by a bunch of 14 year-old girls.

For Revenge!!!!!

..... mind you they did get me as a revenge attack. At the time I was working as a lifeguard in a publicswimnimg pool. Well you know, "Lolita" and all that.

I'm a "Hero", I am.

Everyone else are f*cking tw*ts !!!!!!!!!!

Metcountymounty said...

now that was sweet, nice one!!!

Metcountymounty said...

oh my god cuddles, why can't you just fuck off an die? you're worse than thrush. It's a new year, get a new hobby you sad little prick.

MCM said...

... what's that Metc*nty, Old Fruit?

You get Thrush on your prick?

What is it, wife or boyfriend?

Anonymous said...

Hobbies are good.

Metcountymonkey said...

I shall get a chocolate medal come the Jubilee!!!

Anonymous said...

priceless!! There is a lot to be said for natural justice!

Hogdayafternoon said...

Area, take my advice and get out into the counties on a rural beat - you can play that stunt all year round - and cowshit slurry is SO organic. I may have to tell my own tale on that little suggestion back at my place ;)

Metcountyflunkey said...

I shall want to prosecute everyone who thinks I am a twat

One day I shall rule the Met!!

Taffy said...


Are you a rattus then, or in the sunglasses and icecream squad?

Or the cream of the crop, a bocu class 1?

Not many others get to play with RWD in the met, lucky bugger...

Metcounty said...

pandy is creeping me out with the constant insistance on 3rd person commentary…… I AM Winston Churchill when he home secretary and I look upon the full blown and profound threat of anihiliation to bring myself, round, unlike that twat Neville Chamberlain who obviously didn’t know the face of evil despite sitting across the table from it.

TheBinarySurfer said...


I've been laughing my arse off at all the cars slipping down the hill wheels spinning frantically lately mind - it never gets old.

Until you have to go out in it :(

TheBinarySurfer said...

I should clarify, i was seconding ATNS's blog post, not the troll ('Dr' MTG or a fanboy?).

I'm sure the troll will impersonate me or similar in return for the above comment. Whatever shall i do!

Anonymous said...


This wasn't you, was it?

Old BE said...

What worries me most about those sledging coppers is that they were not wearing their hats.

Anonymous said...

Elfin Safety would have a field day!

Metcunty said...

Custodians of the Law?

Bunch of pricks who failed at REAL jobs.

Police are wankers all.

Anonymous said...

Area, Area, where for art thou Area?

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Area said...

Sierra, I'm here, Sweetie.


Tom102 said...


MCM said...

My name is Metcunty. And I am a faggot.

(Steve is cooking me a beautiful roast chicken dinner even now,whilst I write).

I have failed all of my promotion exams. This has given me an enormous chip upon my shoulder.

I am a typical Police Officer: inadequate and insecure.

And stupid.

bender the robot said...

MCM, come over to my place for a drink?

I am a bender.

Metcountymounty said...

Keep your robot dick to yourself, Bender.

I am going home to Steve and a beautiful roast chicken dinner.


PS: ....Call me next week. X

オテモヤン said...


Old BE said...

If you get up to forty comments will you treat us to another post?

Anonymous said...

Denis O’Connor: What's half my staff doing back at Head Office?

Secretary: They're back to resolve a management dilemma, Sir.

Denis O’Connor: What sort of dilemma?

Secretary: They uncovered an honest policeman serving with the Kent Force and nobody knows where to station him, Sir.

Denis O’Connor: A case of the solitary good apple, eh?


I am pleased to announce that WPC Fran Croucher has been signed up to write several books.

The first is her account of charity work with Pikies and will be in most cheap bookshops next week.

Ade said...

Speaking of the Weather, Margaret Thatcher's chief Policy advisor is calling for arrests of Al Gore and others in the Communist Global Warming scam.

Lord Monckton, Arrest Gore et al

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