Today is Yesterday's Tomorrow

I was drinking with a good friend and colleague of mine recently, and ended up thinking back to my college days. My first kiss was from a girl a couple of years older than me, called Denise.
Her Dad ran the local scrapyard.
The song "Stuck on You" by Lionel Richie was playing and I was frankly terrified.
And slightly bemused, if I'm completely honest.

Anyway, shortly afterwards she broke up with me and went out with my mate Dale. Dale was shorter than most people of our age, but a great footballer. Fair's fair.

Fast forward a year or two (ok, maybe quite a lot more) and I've had my fair share of break ups and break downs.

The interesting thing is that I've managed to break up with and be broken up with, and on each occasion I've managed to do it without involving the Police.
Yet, I often feel I'm in a minority there. As any Police Officer knows, no matter how ridiculous you may think your 'issues' are, our informants from our calls can always beat them.

There is almost nothing that will not be sent down to a patrol unit to deal with. Unfortunately, if a call is a "type 29" - ie a domestic, then a unit will have to attend. Regardless of whether a crime has been committed or even alleged. In fact, regardless if a crime is even possible.
A domestic type call is anything that refers to a call between a husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, exes of any description, siblings, parents, family members and any sexual partners past and present.

In the incestuous estates we inhabit on our day to day patrols, these are most of our suspects, victims and witnesses.

As soon as the domestic tag is applied to a call, then everything that follows is out of our hands. If we attend and there is no allegation at all, no injuries, no hint of violence, then we only have to do the following: Full statement from each party involved; A statement from the officer on scene; A twenty six page domestic violence book; A Full 'non-crime' Crime report on the computer (taking between forty five minutes and an hour and half dependant on typing skills); A seperate computer report on any children or vulnerable people in the premises or involved in any way. So you result the call, justifying your actions. Then complete all the above, justifying your actions. Then you bring all the above to your Sergeant, so he or she can then justify your actions.

Keep in mind that these are for NON crimes. When there has been a crime or an allegation made, then obviously you arrest and all the above is used as evidence.

Amongst the many, many calls I have been to needing all the above for a non-crime domestic are a psychic wife who had had visions that something bad was going to happen to her husband, a woman who had called police because her boyfriend wouldn't get off the computer (relatively common, that), a woman who had called police as her boyfriend had cheated on her and wanted him arrested for it, and many, many "threats" by text. Of the "u slag u shaged tracy an shes got hiv i hop u get cancr" type.

Examples from other officers are always welcome.

I'm in a stable relationship at the moment, but even in my worst relationships I have never felt the need to call my colleagues down to join in. In fact, I've always wanted to keep my private life... well, private.

Am I alone in this?

Thoughts of The Day

A couple of thoughts.

Firstly, I have been playing with my mobile phone a lot recently - crime scenes give you ample time to fart around doing things that you wouldn't usually do.

At 3AM a couple of nights ago, I was struck by a thought, whilst experimenting with the Predictive text feature.

I was texting another copper and asking to meet them in Trafalgar Square. Interestingly, my phone does not recognise the word "Trafalgar."
It does, however, suggest an entirely plausible alternative of "Upbealias."
Even more interestingly, although not allowing me to type that word, someone has gone to the effort of teaching it the word "Egalitarian."

My point, although a little obtuse, is that I think that the people who programme mobile phone dictionaries must be the same people who set Policing targets and priorities.
Only these type of people would consider that "Trafalgar" is a completely unknown word, "Upbealias" is a better alternative, and the word "Egalitarian" is much more useful and likely to be used.

Part of me feels good about the fact that these people exist in the private sector as well as the public sector...


Secondly, is it mean to gently wind up PCSOs? I've always enjoyed winding up Police Officers, but I know that CSOs are a relatively new thing and might get more offended.

If it's not too naughty, a colleague of mine has found a novel but harmless way of playing with our blue-shirted colleagues. I'd never do it of course, not least because my CSO acquaintances would gang up on me and beat me up.
Incidentally, please pop over and say hello on the following PCSO blog.