Thursday 13 December 2007

Units To My Location

No, I’m not taking the piss out of you.
Yes, I can arrest you.
No, I don’t need a warrant.
Really, I can arrest you.
No, you don’t need to take your shoes off. Really.
Ok, let me rephrase that. DON’T take your shoes off.
Honestly – oh, right. Well, put them back on again. The socks stay on. THE SOCKS STAY ON!

Oh for the love of God. Take your feet away from me. I really don’t want to search there.
No, your shirt can stay on. I don’t care. Tattoos don’t interest me. Not even that one. Or that one. Who is Cindy anyway? Ah, sorry to hear that.

Right, now keep still. I mean it, don’t mess around here. You don’t want to be cuffed? Fine, so the police car is behind you, why don’t you climb in and I’ll chauffeur you to the Police station?

No, that is not your right. Or that. I hate to tell you, COPS may be good to watch, but it isn’t filmed here. It’s filmed in The States.
No, the United States... you know, America.
What do you mean, “so?” Well, they have different laws – look, it doesn’t matter why I stopped you. You’re drunk. And you’re wanted. And those tablets are NOT aspirin.

Do I have anything better to do? Well, yes, I could be spending this time in a hot tub with a beautiful blonde girl outside a villa by the sea in the Med, with a bottle of champagne cooling nearby. Failing that, YOU are my project for this evening.

No, not in that way. Perhaps that was the wrong choice of words.

Yes, that’s true, I’d have to get the blonde girl first. And the rest of it.
No, that’s very kind, but I’d prefer to try and find a girl to spend my time with myself.

...The things you say and do when you’ve stopped a car whilst single crewed and are waiting desperately for back up to arrive to help you deal with the four, known, violent occupants.

Or is it just me?


Sparkly Dancer said...

Dare I ask what the thing about the shoes was?! :D

Area Trace No Search said...


Dare I ask you if you are happy for me to add your blog to my sidebar?

Metcountymounty said...

so true!!

Sam said...

Ah yes, the rubbish you speak when waiting!!

Another great post, I've added you to my sidebar you can add me to yours if you like but its fledgling!

Anonymous said...

The thing about units - they can be misunderstood.

Like the other night when we asked for one more unit, because a pub argument had erupted onto the street and we were trying to get them all back in without having to gas the drunken six fingered banjo twiddling eejits.

Five minutes later I hear over the radio 'can you give me directions to the stat 0 please?'

Stat 0, I think, what stat 0. Has the inevitable shouting match with drunken fools mean I've missed an important broadcast from some brother or sister officer in peril.

No, it turns out it was us. One more unit had been translated to 'please come and help we're in serious danger'.

Most perplexing. Then spent the next ten minutes answering the radio saying 'no, we just need ONE more car'. It was 10 minutes before the first backup arrived by the way and they'd bluelighted the entire way being the closest unit.

Bloody good job it wasnt a stat 0.

RandomPinkness said...

I was giggling along to this as I ate my breakfast and for quite some time afterwards. You obviosly survived the encounter intact.

Roses said...

Other peoples' feet, nasty!

Sounds like you had it all under control.

Anonymous said...

my wife watches "cops" when there's nothing much else on, of course they don't show the little towns where "nothing much happens", or the time spent driving around waiting for the next call. as for "i know my rights!" frankly most of them, particularly the drunks, have some strange ideas of what the u.s. constitution really says. "you're drunk, your license comes back criminally suspended and you've got four FTA warrants, turn and face the car, put your hands behind your back." the "miranda warning" comes next, and if you keep chattering after that your lawyer will not like it, but they always seem eager to blather on regardless.

McNoddy said...

If there were Oscars for blethering then Cops would win hands down. Sure beats tussling with them when your gang isn't bigger than theirs.

Anonymous said...

Hey Metcounty Old Fruit - Good News!

They found Paddick's wallet and you'll be pleased to know that it still had your your picture in it

Anonymous said...

Someone's handed in a wallet?

Anonymous said...

what i was supposed to say was "STOP ARMED POLICE"


What I really said was "OH F**K HE RAN OVER ME FOOT" This was said over the whole net. Some times even Mr Glock doesnt help. roll on headcom so we can pay this and many other incidents back for the ombudsmand to relly bugger us!!

PCFrankyFact said...

Project for the day!
I love your blog mate.

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